Mum Rage, Redefined: What If It’s Not Rage At All?
“My daughter took 30 minutes to put her shoes on and I lost it, total mum rage,” one of my mum’s group friends shared this week. Another admitted, “I had to hand the kids to their dad and lie down in a dark room. I was raging at the air, the floor, the way everyone was breathing. I was not okay.”
These moments are familiar to so many mothers, when the smallest spark tips us over the edge and suddenly we’re overwhelmed, furious, or completely dysregulated. But here’s the truth: it’s rarely about the shoes, the breathing, or the mess.
Those are triggers, not causes.
When we’re well-rested, supported, and resourced, we can usually brush off these irritations. But in the absence of sleep, breaks, validation, community, or just ten quiet minutes to ourselves, even the smallest friction can ignite something much bigger.
That bigger thing is often labelled as mum rage. But let’s pause on that label.
Why “Mum Rage” Misses the Point
Rage isn’t unique to mothers. All humans experience stress, burnout, and overwhelm; it can show up as irritability, anxiety, anger, or even shutdown (read depression). But when we call it mum rage, we risk trivialising it. We make it sound like an emotional flaw specific to mothers, rather than what it really is: a symptom of chronic stress, emotional overload, and unmet needs.
And then, to make things worse, we add guilt on top. Crushing guilt for not being patient enough, grateful enough, gentle enough. Guilt for snapping. Guilt for being human.
What if it’s not mum rage at all?
What if it’s untreated exhaustion? Emotional depletion? The weight of carrying the invisible load every day?
What if the difference isn’t in the emotion itself, but in the guilt we pile on top?
A Gentle Mum Rage Reframe
You’re not a “bad mum” for feeling rage. You’re a human under pressure.
The problem isn’t your reaction, it’s the conditions you’re mothering within.
And while you may not be able to change all those conditions overnight, you can start by dropping the guilt. That part isn’t helping you.
Acceptance is where the healing begins. As my late, great yoga teacher used to hum “acceptance is transcendence”.
A Practical Pause
This week, if you feel yourself “losing it,” try this simple pause:
Instead of spiralling into mum rage shame, ask yourself — what am I needing right now?
Maybe it’s space.
Maybe it’s sleep.
Maybe it’s a walk outside or a deep cry.
Maybe it’s just someone to look at you and say, you’re doing your best.
And if you can, give yourself one hour this week that is yours. Protect it. Guard it like you would your child’s nap time. Because you deserve care too.
The Village Matters
At Another Mother, we hear about your mum rage moments every day, not because you’re failing, but because you’re carrying so much. The endless laundry, the mental load, the crumbs on the floor, the constant negotiation of needs… It’s no wonder the pressure builds.
That’s why we created Another Mother: to be the village modern motherhood often strips away. To step in with practical support; cleaning, organising, laundry, even running a few errrands — so you can breathe again.
Because it’s not really about the shoes, is it? It’s about what you’ve been carrying long before you even asked for the shoes to be put on the first time.
Closing Thought
Next time the rage rises, try this reframe:
This isn’t mum rage. This is me, human, tired and carrying too much. I deserve help, too.
A great resource for more on this is the book Mum Rage, The Everyday Crisis of Modern Motherhood by Minna Dubin.
And if part of that help looks like a calmer, lighter home, we’d love to be that support for you.
Thanks for stopping by
If this post resonated with you, I’d love to stay in touch.
You can sign up to the Another Mother newsletter for stories, seasonal tips, and the kind of housekeeping support that actually makes a difference — straight to your inbox.
Click here to join the mailing list — it’s like a warm cup of tea in your inbox, just once a week.
Got a question, idea, or want to work together?
Check out our website and you can reach me anytime at hannah@anothermother.com.au
Follow along on Instagram for behind-the-scenes, real talk about motherhood, and updates from the Another Mother crew:
@anothermotherfreo
Together, we’re rebuilding the village, one load of laundry at a time.
Warmly,
Hannah x
Another Mother acknowledges the Whadjuk Noongar people as the Traditional Custodians of the land on which we live and work. We pay our respects to Elders past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land.
